


All alone with the memory

by Linadoon



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber, Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats - T. S. Eliot
Genre: Angst, Crying, Family Feels, Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Mr. Mistoffelees is Quaxo (Cats), Multi, Post-Canon, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 05:14:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30033603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Linadoon/pseuds/Linadoon
Summary: "Burnt out ends of smoky daysThe stale cold smell of morningA street lamp diesAnother night is overAnother day is dawning"-The Jellicles after the Jellicle Ball
Relationships: Asparagus & Gus the Theatre Cat (Cats), Demeter/Munkustrap (Cats), Jennyanydots & Jellylorum, Mr. Mistoffelees/Rum Tum Tugger (Cats), Old Deuteronomy & Munkustrap & Rum Tum Tugger (Cats), Old Deuteronomy/Grizabella (Cats)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	All alone with the memory

**Author's Note:**

> Some angst based on all the cats who had connections to Grizabella, and how they dealt with her passing to the Heaviside Layer.

A silence fell over the junkyard as the Jellicles watched the light of the way up to the Heaviside Layer disappearing into nothing. The light of the Jellicle Moon, already about to hide behind the roof of the high human dens, covering the stage in silver, overpowering the many little lamps the older cats had put in place.

Normally, the end of each Jellicle Ball was filled with joyful laughter and a few tears, normally shed with smiles and comforting hugs. But this time the atmosphere felt… Bitter.

The young kittens didn’t seem to notice it though, still feeling the energy of the magic in the air as it slowly disappeared; and even the more mature ones were quite energetic, talking to themselves about the dances and songs and the Jellicle choice, while young couples shared a few nuzzles and meaningful looks.

Meanwhile, the older cats tried their best to keep themselves composed, not wanting to ruin the moment, the solemn acceptance of the departure of a Jellicle… Who hadn’t been a Jellicle for so long.

“Come now, kittens!” Asparagus Jr. said, getting the attention of his kittens while Jellylorum slinked away from the stage. “The sun is raising and it’s time for all of you to sleep. Come along!”

The kittens begrudgingly obeyed the old cat, following after him while still talking excitedly; and since for many of them that had been their first Jellicle Ball it was fully understandable. Jemima and Sillabub stayed behind, to make sure their father was alright, but soon were sent after the group of kittens.

Jennyanydots also fussed over Munkustrap and Alonzo, until the two waved her off, telling her they were fine, despite their scar marks and bruises that were now darkening the skin underneath their fur. The Gumbie Cat shared one look with the old leader of the tribe, before the railway cat wrapped an arm around her, pulling her along towards their shared den.

Plato and Victoria quickly slinked away together, paw in paw and tails intertwined. And Alonzo, being dismissed by Munksutrap and told to take care of his wounds in the calm of his den, soon left with Cassandra right beside him.

Little by little, the stage was emptied, with the exception of a few cats.

But the bitter air still lingered.

* * *

Asparagus Jr. entered the den to find Gus sitting on the many pillows that pilled the kittens’ shared den. It was expected to find him there, he enjoyed the place and the fluffy pillows, so it was no wonder Jellylorum had led him to that place after the old Theatre Cat had sung about his very interesting life.

The tabby made a signal for the kittens to be quiet and they did so, being much more obedient since Gus was around.

As delicate as he could be, Asparagus reached for his father, slowly awakening him from his slumber. The old cat blinked his bleary eyes and groaned, looking around without fully seeing the room.

“What… what?” He asked in a hoarse, groggy voice, squinting at his son.

“It’s okay, dad. It’s time to sleep.” Asparagus said simply, hooking an arm around the old cat’s frail back and helping him up. “The sun is raising.”

“Ah, yes, the sun is raising…” Gus repeated and he looked down when a small head bumped against his leg. Pouncival looked up at his grandfather, before crawling over to join the others. “And the kittens…?”

“Yes, the kittens will go to sleep as well.” Asparagus nodded.

“Jelly…?” Gus asked, his eyes opening a bit wider as he looked around, being led out of the kittens’ den.

“Yes, Jellylorum sent me. We’re going to her.” The tabby nodded, holding back a sigh.

“Ah, yes.” Gus nodded, showing a little smile as he turned to his son, who held his stare, smiling back. The old cat squinted his eyes once more. “And who are you…?”

Asparagus Jr. sighed, but soon enough they reached his and Jellylorum’s den, which happened to be inside an old turned cupboard. The old queen was already inside, sitting in the middle of the drawer that served as the entrance; she was clearly lost in thought until her ears perked at the sound of footsteps.

Jellylorum quickly wiped a tear away and Asparagus Jr. gave her an understanding look, showing that it was okay that she had momentarily forgotten about the old cat.

“Jelly…!” Gus called upon seeing the queen, allowing her to help support his weight. “This fine tom said it’s time to sleep…”

“Oh, yes, he is very right.” Jellylorum said in a sweet motherly tone, turning to face her mate for a moment, before leading the old cat over to what could be called his room. “Come on now, let’s rest.”

Asparagus Jr. watched as the two disappeared further into the old cupboard, their steps slow as Gus wobbled ever so slightly with his weak legs. He remembered watching his father walk into the stage in those same wobbly legs and he remembered stepping away, finding a place where he could still hear, but not see him. Asparagus felt bad for not being there when his father was singing but… What would be the point? His father barely recognized him by now.

“Asparagus…” A soft voice startled the tabby, and he turned to the sad, but collected green eyes of the Old Gumbie Cat.

“Jelly is taking Gus to bed…” He said simply, knowing that Jenny was looking for her sister.

Jenny nodded, walking in when Asparagus allowed her entrance; Skimbleshanks stood beside the old tabby, sharing a look with him as Jellylorum exited Gus’ room, walking over to her sister.

The two stared at each other, as if both were unsure of what to do.

“I know…” Jellylorum started and they all could see that she was still trying to keep her composure. “I know there was a reason why we banished her, I know we didn’t talk anything out before she left, and I know I should be happy she is having a chance of a new life--” Jellylorum was babbling, something Jellylorum never did.

She only stopped when Jenny reached for her paws, taking hold of them and bringing them close to her chest.

“Jelly…” Jenny said, voice soft and sweet. “I’m her sister too…”

And Jelly broke down, clinging to her sister as the two cried together.

Asparagus and Skimbleshanks stepped away from the cupboard, giving the two privacy. They walked over to a stack of boxes, resting on top of one of them without saying much of a word.

“Well…” The railway cat started, but never got to finish, as if he didn’t know what to say.

“Quite a change of plans, wasn’t it…?” Asparagus said, and he didn’t even try hiding the bitterness in his voice. “This was supposed to be my father’s night…”

“Asparagus…” Skimbleshanks said, softly, raising a paw and resting it on his friend’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t resent those who passed to the Heaviside layer just for being chosen…”

“I do.” Asparagus snapped. “I know she had all the right of going and being Jelly and Jenny’s sister, I respect their feelings about it…” And his voice turned softer. “But this was my father’s ball.”

The two were silent for a moment. Skimbleshanks knew that, of course, everyone knew. While Jellicles didn’t fully pretended to know exactly who was going to be chosen, everyone in a way or another always knew when the Jellicle Ball was meant for a certain cat, they could feel it and they embraced it. But the old queen’s appearance had turned everything upside down.

“I don’t know if he’ll last till the next one…” Asparagus spoke up again, turning his eyes to the setting Jellicle Moon. “I wanted to name a kitten in my next litter after him, Skimble.”

The railway cat sighed deeply.

“You can still do so…”

“You know that’s not the same.” Was all Asparagus had to say.

Skimbleshanks leaned against him and stayed silent as well.

* * *

The small tux watched the large Maine Coon standing on top of the boot of the old TSE-1 car. He couldn’t read his expression from afar and the way he was standing, stiff as a board, ear and tail twitching only sometimes, made the tuxedo cat feel worried.

Until Tugger looked down with what seemed to be a soft “tsk”. He shook his fur and jumped down from the car, walking away from the stage with that typical saunter of his.

“Tugger…” Two voices called at the same time and said cat stopped in his tracks.

With his thumbs hooked on his studded belt, Tugger looked over his shoulder to the old cat. Old Deuteronomy reached for his son with a kind look in his eyes. He knew Tugger and he knew that he would not get much out of his son, especially so soon.

His old eyes turned to the small tux that had called for him at the same time. Quaxo, or better, Mistoffelees was patiently waiting for Tugger, his ears downcast and tail twitching with anticipation.

Tugger simply waited, looking at his father with those amber eyes, which were starting to shimmer in the light of the moon. Old Deuteronomy nodded at his son, with the same understanding manner from before, and the Maine Coon nodded as well, acknowledging the larger cat without a word.

Once Tugger turned and started walking away, Mistoffelees joined him, reaching for him as if to make sure he was alright. All Tugger did was wrap an arm around his mate’s shoulder and pull him closer, allowing the tux to round his waist with an arm as they walked together to their den.

The way to the old set of drawers was silent and even once they entered, as Mistoffelees kneeled on the blankets, patiently waiting for his mate to join him, they continued without saying a word.

Tugger joined Mistoffelees, sitting beside him with soft huff.

“Tugger…”

“No.” He said simply. “I don’t want to talk about it… I don’t--” He shook his head, looking everywhere but at his mate’s soft and worried eyes.

Mistoffelees leaned closer, nuzzling Tugger’s cheek and wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Take your time.” He said, softly, pressing a kiss on the skin under his lips. A deep purring started vibrating his small black form, trying to remove the tension that took over his mate’s body. “I’ll be here.”

Tugger continued silent, but he leaned against Mistoffelees, grateful, while feelings and thoughts rolled around his mind and heart haphazardly, leaving him overwhelmed. Mistoffelees’ quiet and small weight grounding him, making it easier to think. And to feel.

* * *

Munkustrap sighed and hissed at the soft stinging pain on his arm.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you…?” Demeter asked, softly, pulling her paws away instinctively.

“No, I’m fine.” He smiled at her, raising a paw to caress her cheek. The golden queen leaned against his touch, looking up at him from under her eyelashes, her eyes sad and worried. “It’s late, you should sleep.”

“So should you.” Demeter said, serious. “You’re in no shape to stay on night duty…”

“I need to watch over the junkyard.” Munkustrap said as a matter of fact.

“No.” Demeter’s voice was strong and the gray tabby stared at her. “You need to rest, not only because of your wounds, but because…”

She didn’t need to finish, he already knew what she was talking about. He tried shaking his head and pushing that aside, taking the role of the protector who couldn’t be shaken up, that he needed to be.

A paw on his shoulder stopped him from doing so. He looked up at the large looming form of his father, but didn’t feel intimidated, on the contrary, he felt protected.

“Listen to her, my son.” He said, voice calm and soft, but still strong. “You must give yourself the time to heal.”

“I’m fine, father--”

“Munkustrap.” Old Deuteronomy interrupted. “You do not need to hide it, son.”

Munkustrap hesitated, staring at the old cat as if he didn’t understand what he was talking about, until his blue eyes met with his father’s amber ones and all the resolve drained from his body.

He wanted to say something, but didn’t get to find what it was, so he simply nodded. He stood up, patting Demeter’s paw as she helped him up, smiling at her to once again show he was alright.

Munkustrap turned to his father.

“You’ll stay with us tonight, father?” He asked.

“Yes.” Old Deuteronomy nodded, but didn’t make a movement to step down from the large truck tire, which had returned to the ground. “You two may go ahead. I would like to meditate at the dying light of the Jellicle Moon.”

“Are you sure, dad…?” Munkustrap asked.

Old Deuteronomy turned to his son, noticing the meaning hidden away behind his words. Without a word, he took a step down and opened his arms.

Munkustrap hesitated for just a second, before wrapping his arms the best he could around his father’s larger form. He felt his body shake, until he finally understood he was crying, while Old Deuteronomy’s large hands patted his back and head, in the way he used to do when Munksutrap was still a kitten.

And Demeter was there as well, with him, her smaller, dainty paws at his arm while she cried as well.

“Now, go, you two.” Old Deuteronomy said once Munkustrap’s shaking subsided and his sobs turned into soft sniffs. He caressed his son’s cheek and his golden mate’s as well, smiling down at the two. “Go and rest.”

Munkustrap nuzzled his father paw one last time, before he and Demeter walked towards their den, an old box that wasn’t too far from the stage.

Old Deuteronomy sighed, sitting on the old tire with a grunt.

He looked over the silent and empty stage area, remembering the moments of joy and sadness that that place had already witnessed. Not only that night, but so many nights before.

The memories became blurred when one had already lived for so long and had so many lives.

But he could almost see her, his dear Grizabella, dancing about on the stage, fur a beautiful tabby pattern, with the most distinguished colors. He could hear her singing that same melody from before, but with a kind smile on her face, when she thought she was alone or when one of their kittens was having trouble sleeping.

And he remembered the moment he heard his little grandkitten sing that same melody. It was no wonder Jemima had received that name. She had finally accomplished the last thing her past life needed to do.

Old Deuteronomy wondered what Grizabella would need to finish in her next life. He had an idea, but he didn’t want to pretend he knew it, it wouldn’t be respectful.

Old Deuteronomy knew he was reaching his last life but he had hope that he would still see his dear Grizabella walking amongst the Jellicles and stealing spotlights one more time, before he joined the Everlasting Cat for good.


End file.
